Tax partner Amanda Doucette shares her personal wellness journey, from learning to slow down in a high-pressure legal career to finding balance through mindfulness, movement, and meaningful relationships.
**What does wellness mean to you?**
Wellness is a journey, not a destination. I think that "wellness" means different things to different people. For me, wellness means mindfulness, positivity, and health. It is a way of living but can look different each day. One day, "wellness" might mean getting together with friends and having a good laugh. The next day, it might mean having a good sweat at a local spin class.
**What kinds of wellness practices do you do?**
I love spin class, Pilates and yoga. I struggle with meditation and resting my mind, and so I find yin and restorative yoga to be preferable for me. I am also not embarrassed to say that organizing a closet or a cupboard (or watching someone else organize) gives me a sense of happiness that others probably find strange – my heart rate actually goes down just by watching The Home Edit on Netflix!
**What led you to these wellness practices?**
The older I get, the more I pay attention to how I feel and how I react to certain situations. Growing up, I was encouraged by my parents to always "keep busy" and it was never permissible just to sit with my thoughts. Although this has led me to be very ambitious and successful in my career, it also makes it very difficult for me to slow down. I am so grateful to be married to someone who is not afraid to tell me when I need to take time for myself – and who recognizes that "acts of service" (i.e., emptying the dishwasher or doing laundry) is definitely my love language!
**Do you have a favorite wellness resource(s) you can recommend?**
I love the Calm app – I listen to a bedtime story every night to fall asleep.
**How do you incorporate wellness practices into your lifestyle?**
I feel like I am in the midst of a life-long journey of trying to incorporate wellness into my day. I used to feel like wellness was something I could just "will" into being – if I scheduled it and planned it, then it would happen. I am learning that is simply not true!
My wellness journey is heavily influenced by the people who are a part of my life. I try to surround myself with others that also value a healthy and positive way of living and love me for who I am as a person (flaws and all).
**How do you make time for wellness throughout the day?**
A couple months ago, I bought an Apple Watch – it tells me to stop and breathe numerous times throughout the day. Just taking some time to breathe deeply for one minute makes such a difference!
In addition, I love playing hip hop music in my car while driving to and from work – dance parties always make things better!
**How do you prioritize YOU? How does that make you better at your job?**
I am definitely a work in progress in terms of prioritizing myself. The biggest step for me is learning to recognize when I need to slow down. The other day I felt like an elephant was on my chest – I had a really stressful week at the office and realized I had not stopped to eat or take a deep breath for a time. I had so much more work to do and normally would have just stayed late at the office. However, my husband and I were scheduled to meet up with good friends of ours for dinner. So instead, I went out, laughed, had an excellent crème brule and felt so much better.
I also sneak out of the office every now and then to catch a yoga or pilates class mid-way through the day.
**How do these wellness practices impact your life and your career?**
I know that I am a better boss, and a better lawyer when I look after myself. But it is so easy to slip up and fall into old habits!
**How important is it to bring wellness into the legal industry? Why? What changes would you like to see?**
It is very important. Our entire industry is built on breaking a day down into 3 or 6 minute increments. Every minute has value. Therefore, "wasting" a minute has a negative connotation. There are a lot of pressures in the industry because everything is moving very fast. Traditionally, the indicia of a successful lawyer all related to how much you billed, how many hours you worked, how many new clients you brought into the business. But I have learned over the years that people will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. There are other ways of bringing in value, including mentorship, quality of work and being a team player.
**At what point in your career did you find 'wellness'? How would your current practices have helped you earlier in your career?**
Looking back on my first 10 years in practice, I can't help but shake my head at myself. I was young, scared, and ambitious. I was also in a marriage that was not emotionally or mentally healthy. In my 3rd year of practice, I had to rush my then husband to the emergency room– his heart stopped and I watched the ER staff revive him. I can still picture myself sitting on the floor of the ER while my then-husband was being transferred to the ICU – and fielding calls from the office at the same time because I was trying to reschedule a court application for the next day. Over the next few months, I juggled full-time work with full-time care responsibilities at home. I stopped sleeping, stopped caring about my own needs, stopped feeling. I recall being at the grocery store around this time and basically blacking out – I did not fall down, but everything went black and I found myself standing in front of some broccoli forgetting who I was or why I was in the store. This should have been a wake-up call, but it wasn't.
A few years later, I found myself in the midst of a divorce. I buried myself in work again to avoid feeling the pain. At the same time, my Dad – who was one of the most important people in my life – was diagnosed with colon cancer. He fought bravely for 3 years but lost his battle. The day he died I was at work. It was a Sunday. I had been at the hospital with my mom that morning, and then left to go to the office to organize my files in case I had to leave in a hurry.
Throughout my career, I have always put work and my career first. I put it before family, friends, or my own health or happiness. On reflection, I do not recall anyone ever telling me that this was what I had to do. I just noticed that rewards in our profession come to those who bill the most hours, bring in the biggest clients, and stay at the office the latest.
I believe that the turning point for me on my wellness journey was meeting my current husband. We met through a professional matchmaker and I owe her so much. He is the exact opposite of me – the ying to my yang. I am a better person when I am with him. He is the epitome of joy – he loves to laugh, he loves to dance, and sees the good in everyone. He calls me on my "sh*t" and supports me in my wellness journey.
**Is there anything else you would like to share that we haven't touched on?**
Lawyers have a terrible habit of holding ourselves to an impossible standard – including when it comes to wellness. But it is not a competition. There is no one way to accomplish wellness in your life. It is so important not to take yourself too seriously – and to surround yourself with people that will challenge you, but also love and support you. Practicing law is hard. But it is even harder when you do not have people around you that lift you up and bring you joy. Never lose your sense of self- you are more than a lawyer – and the unique qualities you bring to the table are your greatest gift!