By: Emily Hirsekorn, Life & Leadership Coach for Lawyers, Hirsekorn Coaching LLC
I have a confession to make: I love to work. Like, really love to work. It reminds me of my value. It feels good to be “good” at something. The feedback I get from my clients warms me up inside. But I’ve realized through some intensive coaching this year that it’s also deeply rooted in the belief that we’re supposed to work as hard as possible all the time, which can be exhausting, take away from quality family time, and limit my life adventures. I call this a “limiting belief.”
I didn’t really know what work-life boundaries were until recently. I thought:
You have a cell phone, so what’s the harm in doing a little work outside of the office?
If there’s nothing on the calendar, and someone would like to speak with you, you should say “yes” regardless of the time of day. Saying, “No” could upset them, and we should always aim to please.
Work must begin by 9 a.m. In fact, the earlier, the better.
And I was rewarded for these thoughts in past jobs: The boss loves it when you’re in the office all of the time, or at least offering to work nontraditional hours to expand the office’s availability! And clients love communication at all hours! But it’s draining. And a time suck. I have kids and a life. Plus, I have certain times of day when I work best and other times when it’s hard to bring my “A” game. And, most significantly, I have an autoimmune disease that flares under stress and lack of sleep.
I started establishing meaningful work-life boundaries for the first time when COVID hit—a decade into my professional career. Life before consisted of five – six hours of sleep a night, waking up at 5:45 to get ready for work, starting my work day in the office by 7:30 so that I could pick up my kids from school on time, coming home to cook dinner, bathe the kids and put them to bed, then working more at night. Not enough sleep. Little-to-no quality time with my husband. And exhaustion on the weekends, leading to limited family activities. Here’s what life with boundaries looks like this year:
Most days I don’t start working until 10 a.m.
Waking up without an alarm is EVERYTHING to me!
Reduced stress in the morning, not having to rush to get ready and get out of the house or rush the kids to get ready for school.
Formal breakfast with my kids; lesson / activity with my kids who aren’t in preschool this year because of the pandemic.
Walk with my kids and dogs (some days)—an ideal way to start the day with a little exercise, quality kid time, and mindfulness.
I work later in the day due to my late start, but I get all of the work done just the same. Spreading out my work also gives me quality time with my family throughout the day, which is working right now. While I still work throughout the day, evening, and weekends, doing so is a conscious choice, rather than a requirement.
Choosing when to take calls and emails
I’m working on asking myself, “Am I taking this call because I feel like I have to, or because I really want to, and now is a fine time to take a call?” I’m checking in with my energy in the moment and thinking bigger picture. When you love your work, you risk a narrow focus and losing sight of what really matters; checking in is crucial.
Even when I feel like I have the energy to work longer, there are times when I choose to rest to really restore my energy and prioritize my wellbeing. This is hard because I love staying up late, and that’s the one time of day when all is quiet in the house. So I have to consciously override the temptation, knowing I’m choosing what is really best for me in the long-run.
Loosely scheduling out my day
I love bouncing between tasks, but sometimes I just need to focus to get things done. For example, I have time blocks in my day for coaching calls and will not take them at other times. At first, this was hard because I wanted to be incredibly accommodating. But I was assuming that my clients couldn’t work within my schedule, when in fact creating firm time blocks has created no issues whatsoever.
On occasion, I’ve had to tell people that I was unable to take a networking call during business hours. It felt uncomfortable, unaccommodating, and not like me. But the more I said “no,” the more I felt empowered and realized I was becoming a strong self-advocate. I also learned not to worry about the folks who simply didn’t respond to my request to schedule during certain hours, while embracing those like Ariella Coleman, who instead congratulated me for setting healthy boundaries.
Boundary setting happened for me only circumstantially. Without a global pandemic sending me to work from home, keeping my kids home from school, and reducing my husband’s working hours, I’m not so sure I would have naturally set strong work-life boundaries at this stage in my life. But I am so incredibly grateful that it happened now, and when things go back to “normal,” I will do my best to continue honoring the boundaries I’ve set. And when I find myself slipping (I’m human, so I’m certain this will happen at some point), I will hold myself accountable with a reminder about the importance of boundaries: my health, my general wellbeing, spending quality time with my family, and avoiding burnout to increase the longevity of my career and my overall joy.
Emily Hirsekorn, of Hirsekorn Coaching, is a life and leadership coach for mid-career and early career lawyers. She helps lawyers and law students enhance career clarity, confidence, and joy in order to fully step into their leadership potential. She is most passionate about empowering female leadership, addressing imposter syndrome through confidence coaching, and helping lawyers explore their passions and purpose.